Love or Honor?
by istillthinkwereinlove
Summary: Alexia is Lucas' sister and wants to be a protector of Wolford. She doesn't want to get caught up in love but that is difficult when gorgeous Jordon comes to visit. She used to hate him but things start to change when he takes a sudden interest in her.
1. Prologue

I tried to back away but found myself trapped between Jordon and the wall. I looked into his deep blue eyes, getting lost in the ocean of emotions I didn't understand. "Alexia." He whispered and his lips took over mine. They met in a fiery passion and I knew this was wrong. I was the daughter of our most important elder. It was my job to protect our kind.

"Stop," I pushed him away, hating the empty feeling it gave me. "I can't." I told him and he seemed to understand.

He walked away slowly but not before he gave me one last glance. I would never forget the look on his face, nor the sadness in his eyes taking over all other emotions. I would never forget how I had hurt the man I loved. But it was for all or kind. Two peoples happiness would have to be sacrificed for all of us.


	2. What an Egg Head

**Disclaimer: Sadly I do not own the Dark Guardian Series, nor do I own any of the characters :( I only own the few that I have made up, but I guess that's still okay :)  
**

**

* * *

**

* * *

_** What An Egg Head**_

I watched as Lucas sat with his girlfriend. He was such a traitor. Why did he have to find Kayla and leave me all alone to protect our kind? We were the grandchildren of Elder Wilde and it was our duty to protect the Shifter kind. We were not supposed to get caught up in romantic distractions. Then Kayla had to come along and ruin everything. Don't get me wrong, I like Kayla and all, it's just when she came Lucas got all distracted and things. I desperately hoped that wouldn't happen to me.

It was starting to get a little awkward because they began making out. "Yeah see you later guys…" I mumbled and left the room. Silently I snuck around, hoping nobody would see or try talking to me. I rounded the corner and slammed into what felt like a brick wall, falling over. "Ouch." I muttered.

"Oh, sorry Alexia, I didn't see you there. Are you okay?" A familiar voice said. I stopped moving. I looked up at his face. It was framed by his longish, short red hair as he bent down to help me up. I couldn't help but look into his deep blue eyes.

Jordon Graham.

He was quite possibly one of the biggest jerks on the face of the planet. But he was also totally gorgeous. _NO! Stop thinking about that!_ I told myself._ You can't think about anyone like that!_ That guy would be the death of me. He scared the crap out of me but I just couldn't get over him. And on the plus side, he had only gotten hotter since college and his transformation last year. I suddenly realized that I hadn't given him an answer. "Yeah I'm fine." I ignored his outstretched hand and got up by myself. "Just watch where you're going."

"As I recall you were the one that ran into me." He said a big smile across his face.

"Whatever." I glared at him. "Just leave me alone." I turned on my heel and stormed off. I could hear him chuckling behind me.

When we were little he used to pick on me and make fun of me. Jordon use to tell me that I'd never be a guardian, that I was too much of a wimp. I used to go to be crying over that guy. I usually tried to avoid him but there were the few instances where we were forced to be in the same room.

I continued with my sneakiness as I crept towards my room. Luckily it was still a few days before the summer solstice and hardly anybody had arrived so nobody would be bothering me. I even had my room all to myself. I liked my alone time so the emptiness didn't really bother me…often. It didn't really matter though because none of the other girls were that close to me. Sure, we talked and such but I hadn't really thought of any of them as people I could tell my secrets to. I was just a loner stuck with people who liked to dwell in packs.

I got to my room without seeing anymore people. I jumped onto my bed and pulled out my laptop.

"Hi." A voice said and I nearly dropped it. There was a girl about the same age as me sitting on the extra bed across from mine. Her hair looked like it had been dyed black and she was skinny but not too skinny. She wore a shirt for Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack that only made me like her more. The thing that topped it off was the big stacks of books lying on the floor at the end of her bed.

"Uh, hi?" I wasn't really sure of who this girl was and I kind of wanted to know what she was doing in my room. "If you don't mind me asking, who are you?"

"I'm Natalie, your new roommate." She said like it was obvious.

"Oh, uh, I'm Alexia. It's nice to meet you then." I said awkwardly. I wasn't really one for meeting new people. I've known pretty much all the people I know for my whole life. Here in Wolford, we get few strangers. I went back to my laptop and my new roommate pulled out a book from the top of her stack.

"So, have you met any guys that catch your eye yet?" I asked her, escaping the silence.

She blushed at my question but didn't answer.

"So I'm guessing that's a yes?" I prodded. "Come on, tell me who it is." I begged her.

"Well, there is this one guy. He's totally gorgeous. His name is Jordon Graham I think." She said.

"What?" I yelled out in shock. "Please tell me that's a joke."

"No, why, do you like him or something?" She asked.

"No," I laughed. "He's biggest jerk in the world. He's such an egg head. I suggest you stay away from him."

"It doesn't matter anyway; I don't think he even noticed me. He said he was looking for this girl." She looked disappointed.

Soon enough I found the comfort of sleep and so did Natalie. I could really get used to her. Only a few hours with hr and we were already becoming friends.

The next morning I woke up to Natalie already out of bead. She was filling the rest of the space on the book shelves that line the walls with her books.

"Mornin' sleepy head." She said when she noticed that I was awake.

"You're up pretty early." I pointed out.

"I woke up an hour ago and couldn't fall back asleep. So I decided to put my stuff away now that I'm going to be living her and all." She explained cheerily.

"Living here?" Only the elders usually lived at Wolford. All of the families left after the summer solstice for school. I didn't even stay. When fall came around I went to an all girls school just a few minutes south of Tarrant.

"Uh, yeah…" She turned around slowly. "See, I just found out that I was a werewolf-"

"Shifter." I corrected.

"Yeah, Shifter. Anyway, my parents died when I was little and I've been living in an orphanage and foster care since then."

"Oh." I could tell this was a touchy subject for her so I let it drop. Come to think of it her story sounded a lot like Kayla's. Maybe I could get Kayla to help her out…Some other time.

"It's whatever, come on, let's get some breakfast." She shrugged it off.

We headed downstairs to the already full cafeteria. A lot more people had come since the day before.

"Oh no." Natalie said.

"What?" I looked at her.

"Over there, leaning on the wall." She pointed.

I looked in the direction to find a cool looking Jordon staring directly at me. His gaze made me feel insecure about my looks. I looked away feeling his eyes still homed in on me. "Just pay no attention to him and he'll leave you alone." I said, trying to reassure myself more than Natalie. "Let's just go eat."

"Mmmmm." I said my mouth full of eggs and bacon. It was my favorite thing to eat for breakfast and the cooks at Wolford made it the best.

Natalie laughed at me.

"What?" I asked after I had finished my bite. "It's delicious, don't even deny it."

"It is good; I have to agree with that." She stated.

"That's what I thought." I laughed.

We sat there and enjoyed our breakfast. But I still could feel the gaze of a certain pair of blue eyes as I ate. Every time I turned around Jordon was just standing there, by the wall, staring intently at me.

**psssssssttttt, Heyyy. Pssssstttttttt. Guess what! You should press that little green button down there. Come on, You know you want to!**

**It'll make me love you forever... :)**


	3. No Man For Me!

**Disclaimer: sadly again, I must admit... I do not own The dark Guardian Series. That belongs to Rachel Hawthorn. But hey, wouldn't it be awesome if I did own it?**

**

* * *

**

**_No Man For Me!_**

After breakfast I took Natalie for a tour around the area. Since she didn't know about our history I took her to the library first. I explained all the pictures that lined the walls. Then I took her to where we have the meetings. She seemed really surprised at how structured we could be. I showed her where each individual elder sat and who they were.

"You're the granddaughter of one of the elders?" She asked incredulously.

"Yeah, but it's not all it's cracked up to be." I explained. Thinking of how much responsibility it gave me.

I decided to take her out to actually mingle with people. We headed outside where I was sure everyone would be. I saw Brittany, Kayla, and Lindsey gossiping with each other and headed their way.

"Hey girls." I greeted them.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Hi." They all said.

"Who's this?" Lindsey noticed Natalie standing there next to me.

"This is Natalie, she's my new roomie." I explained. "She just found out about us."

"Oh, nice to meet you Natalie." Kayla offered an outstretched hand.

"It's nice to meet you all too." Natalie said meekly. I wasn't sure but I thought she might have been a little nervous to meet all these new people.

"Where are the guys?" I asked the three. I hadn't seen them very much lately.

"Lucas and Conner are talking with the elders and Rafe and Jordon took a group of campers out this morning after breakfast. They are only going out for a day trip so they will probably be back later tonight." Brittany said.

I should probably explain. Most of the shifter worked as Sherpas. We had a little business that helped people who wanted to camp go out. I had worked as on the previous summer and trust me; it's not really that fun. We had to spend days out in the wilderness with a bunch of city folk who complained for hours on end about the lack of plumbing and comfortableness. Well, sorry to break it to ya people, but that's outdoor life.

I saw Kayla talking with Natalie, probably about their similar pasts, and felt rather pleased. At least she was making a bunch of new girlfriends. On second thought, maybe I was a little jealous.

"How are you doing? I know since Kayla came you've been a little upset." Lindsay surprised me by saying.

"I'm actually not as upset about it as I was. She's a good person and I've learned to accept it." I was glad that Kayla was over with Natalie. If she had heard what I thought about her and Lucas I don't know what I would do.

"She is great, and she makes Lucas happy. I know you don't believe in the whole mate thing but… I think it was for the best."

"Yeah." Maybe I should let him be. She was a really nice person for reaching out to Natalie like that. "It's not really her that I have the problem with." I explained. "It's the fact that she is a distraction."

Lindsey thought about it for a second. "Just wait until you find your mate. Then you'll understand." She said.

"I'm not going to have a mate." I pointed out.

"So what, are you just going to go through your transformation all alone? You'll die." Brittany said.

"Nope." I explained. "I think it's just stupid that a girl has to have a guy chose her before her transformation." Honestly, I found it a little sexist. If the guys can do it alone then why couldn't I? I was just as strong as them, just as tough as them. I should be able to go through the transformation alone. After all, it was what I had been training all the past few years for. My seventeenth birthday was in a week and then a few days later was my transformation. I knew that I would be ready for it, by myself.

"I'm telling you, it won't work." Lindsey said.

"Whatever." I said blasé.

Natalie and Kayla were done talking so continued with my tour. I took her to meet a few more people and then around the grounds.

"Well, that's pretty much it." I said when we finished awfully late. It was just getting to about dusk and everyone was heading back inside for dinner.

Whoever made the food we all ate had made steaks and mashed potatoes and corn for dinner. Like always, it was delicious. Natalie and I stuffed ourselves silly. I swear, when we were done, I could barely move.

"I'm so full." Natalie groaned. "I probably shouldn't have eaten so much, but that was soooooo good."

"Ugh, I know right. Good thing I don't get fat that easily." Since as long as I could remember I always had the ability to eat whatever I wanted and never gain any wait. Pretty much all shifter had that ability. Maybe it was our carnivorous metabolism.

"Don't worry Alexia, you look wonderful." A deep, attractive voice came from behind me.

"Uh, what do you want Jordon?" I turned around to face him and found myself staring into his wonderful eyes. _No Alexia! Don't even think about it!_ I yelled internally.

"I just wanted to say hi and meet your friend." He looked to a blushing Natalie. "I don't believe we've met, I'm Jordon Graham."  
I rolled my eyes.

"Hi, I'm Natalie Parkinson." She breathed. Great, his charm was working on her. _Don't believe it!_ I plead, hoping she could somehow hear me.

"Come on Natalie, it's getting pretty late. We should go to bed." I interrupted.

"Why the rush, Alexia? We were just getting acquainted." He asked.

"We just have to go." I grabbed a hold of her arm and dragged her to the room. It was clear she was totally smitten because she didn't even protest.

"Natalie." I said continuously, snapping my fingers get her attention. Her eyes were glazed over and she was mumbling things.

"Sorry, what?" Her eyes came back into focus.

"You were totally drooling over Jordon." I accused.

"No I wasn't." She looked guilty.

I gave her a disbelieving look.

"Fine, I was." She admitted.

"What did I tell you about him? He's not one to be hanging around." I repeated to her. She huffed and got ready for bed. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about Jordon. I was terrified of him but was afraid that I might have feelings for him. It was totally against what I believed but I couldn't help it. Every time I closed my green eyes his blue ones looked back at me. Why couldn't I get him out of my head? He was a jerk; a conceited, rude, dark, gorgeous, jerk. _Stop thinking about him!_ I ordered myself. _He's been a jerk to you since you were little, why should things change now?_

I just couldn't get him off my mind. I remembered how he had watched me through breakfast that morning. Why? He had so many other things to do than watch me. And why did that make me happy? Just because he had done that shouldn't make me feel special. Nothing had changed. This was just another way to make me feel inferior. It was just another prank. That was what I kept telling myself. At least until I drifted off into sleep, dreaming about Jordon holding me in his tight embrace.

* * *

**OMG How about that! She's startin to develop some feelins for Jordon...  
OOOOOh! Scandalous!**

**Momma does love those reviews!**

***wink wink***

**So I want to hear what all my readers think so far... How do you like (or dislike) Alexia? Natalie? Jordon?  
I love you all! **

**XOXO - PanicWithCare  
**


	4. Sports'No Comment

**Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I have been having some serious writers block :( And I am starting drivers training so it might take me a little longer than normal to up date. but, don't worry, I'll try my hardest. XD**

**Disclaimer****: Sadly, again, I must admit that I don not own Dark Guardian.  
**

**

* * *

**

_**'Sports'...No comment**_

"Wakey Wakey, Eggs and Bakey!" I was woken up to Natalie pulling my blankets off and throwing them in my face.

"Aw, come on!" I groaned. "Just let me sleep for another hour." I pulled the covers back over my face, still refusing to open my eyes.

"Okay, I'm getting the bucket of water." I heard he feet marching determinedly across the floor.

"Ok! I'm up, I'm up!" I was NOT getting my bed all wet just because of a little sleep.

Natalie smirked at me. "That's what I thought."

"Why are you waking me up so early?" I asked, looking at the slightly dark outdoors.

"Uh, Alexia…it's almost noon." She pointed to the clock and sure enough, it sail 11:56.

"Shit." I muttered. "Why is it so dark outside?" I asked as I ran to the window. They sky was full of dark clouds. It looked like it could downpour any second.

"It's been like that all morning. But that didn't stop the guys' fun, they are about to finish their third game of football."  
"Losers." I muttered as I quickly ran a brush through my naturally straight dark brown hair and slipped a pair of shorts and a cute T-shirt on.

"I think we should go out and watch them." Natalie suggested, a broad grin across her face.

"Sure." I was pretty good at football since I had grown up playing with all the guys. Maybe I would join the game.

"Yay!" She grabbed my arm and practically dragged me outside.

Sure enough when we got there all of the guys were playing football. Rafe made a touchdown and they declared the game over. His team had won. This wasn't surprising since it also included Connor, Lucas, and Jordon. Wait a sec… Jordon? Oh no. Blush crept up to my face thinking about my dreams the night before where I had yearned for his arms around me, for his lips to touch my own. _No! Stop it, Alexia_. Gosh, my mind had been really distracted lately.

"Rematch!" One of the guys from the other team yelled, I think his name was Marcus. "I say we can beat you this time!"

The guys just laughed. "Okay sure, but you can't get anyone that can beat us! Unless you have-"

"Alexia!" Marcus called my name. "Come be on our team!"

"Uh, ok sure." I walked over to where my new teammates were standing. "Okay, so what's the plan?" I asked and we got into a talk about plays and stuff. About five minutes later the other team was yelling at us to hurry up. "Let's kick some ass!" I encouraged and we moved into formation.

We tossed the ball and I ran like hell. When the football randomly landed in my hands I held it tightly and ran even faster towards what we had marked as the end post.

"Go, Alexia, Go!" I heard Natalie yelling and other people cheering me on. I was just a few feet from the end zone when I was tackled and laded on the ground, the person sitting on top of me. "Ow." I muttered. I looked up to a gorgeous pair of blue eyes. He had smile on his face that made me swoon. Or maybe that was the possible concussion I ha when my head hit the ground. I suddenly became aware that he was still on top of me and we were staring into each others' eyes. I cleared my throat. "Uh, Jordon, you're still on top of me…" I said awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah sorry." He got off and pulled me up by my hand. I tried to stand up but suddenly found it difficult. The ground was threatening to come close to me again. I was getting really dizzy and could no longer stay up. I found myself falling towards the ground. But not before a pair of arms grabbed me and held me close. I blushed, again remembering my dream. "Whoa, there. It's okay, I've got ya." Jordon reassured.

"Is she okay?" I heard Lucas question him but my eyes had closed and I was nearing sleep.

"I'm not sure; I think that she might have a concussion. I'm going to take her to lie down and check her out." Jordon picked me up bridal style and began to carry me to the building. This day totally sucked. First, I wake up totally late to find that the weather looks terrible. Then I get a possible concussion playing football in front of everybody. A finally, I was now stuck while the guy I don't want to but possibly might have feelings for. Jordon opened a door and I found myself in the familiarity of my room. He laid me on my bed and tried to get me to open my eyes. I opened them to see a very concerned looking Jordon staring at me.

"How are you?" He asked as he flashed lights in my eyes to check for any sign of head trauma.

"A little dizzy." I admitted.

He stopped shining the light. "Well, I don't see any sign of a concussion so you should be fine in a few hours. I really didn't mean to tackle you that hard. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"It's okay, the game was getting pretty intense. I don't blame you for anything, it could have happened to anybody." I told him.

"But it happened to _you_ and it's all my fault. I don't think I could forgive myself if you were hurt badly." He looked legitimately concerned.

"It's okay," I touched his arm and he looked up at me. "I don't blame you." I repeated.

He didn't say anything, he just stared at me. The silence became unbearable. "What?" I asked self consciously. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, sorry, no reason." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

The door burst open from a worried Natalie. "Are you-?"

I held up my hand to stop her. "I'm fine."

She let go of a huge breath she had probably been holding. "I was so worried. I stopped watching for a second and before I knew it they're taking you inside. I momentarily freaked out."

I laughed. "Nat, I'm fine. There's no need to worry."

"Well, yeah, I know that _now_." She sat down next to Jordon at the end of the bed.

Silence. No, not just silence, awkward silence. Cue gay baby, hehe.

"I should probably go, someone's got to tell everyone you're not dead." He smiled another one of the swoon causing smiles. "See ya."

"Bye." Natalie and I said.

The door shut behind him. "Ah, I can't believe Jordon Graham was in our room." She squealed.

I laughed. "You are such a girl."

She frowned. "Come on, can you really say that you don't feel even a little bit attracted to him? He's quite possibly one of the hottest guys on Earth."

"No...But he's a jerk." I told her.

"How can you still think that he is a jerk when he carried you all the way up here and checked to make sure you were okay?" Natalie looked at me disapprovingly.

How _could_ I still say that? Sure, he was a jerk to me when we were growing up, but it's been a long time since then. Could he have changed in the past years? I mean, He hasn't been a jerk at all lately. He's actually been kind of…sweet. "I don't know." I said. "I've just called him that forever and old habits are hard to change."

"I just can't believe he was in here." She squealed. For a girly girl she really didn't look it.

* * *

**Thanks to all the people that reviewed..:)**

**It makes me love my readers all teh more.**

**So if you haven't you should do so.**

**Tell me any suggestions you have. I want to hear them.**

**XOXO-PanicWithCare  
**


	5. Apologies and Confessions

**It's me... Back again with another chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it again? I'm pretty sure that every one knows what this means. Oh gosh, If I have to say it,  
I do not own The Dark Guardian Series...**

**_Apologies and Confessions_**

Kayla, Brittany, and Lindsey came to check on me after Jordon left. Apparently everyone was extremely worried for me. They came into my room, totally freaking out, and I tried to assure them that I was completely fine. After about the hundredth time, I was getting really tired of it. "You guys! I'm fine! Stop worrying!" I huffed.

"Are you sure?" Kayla asked.

"Yes. I promise you there is nothing wrong with me." I pushed them all out the door. "Don't worry about me, please. Remember, I'm still a shifter and I can take the pain-not like there is any." I quickly added when I saw the girls' concerned faces. They finally accepted that I was fine and headed down the hall to wherever. A few feet down, watching me, stood Jordon.

"How are you?" He asked, following me into my room.

I internally groaned. Not again with the concern and continuous questioning. "I'm fine, seriously." I told him.

"I think you ought to lie down and rest a while. There is no telling what could happen to that head injury of yours." He pointed to the seemingly unnoticeable bump on the top of my head where it hit the ground. I thought I saw him inspecting it. "I am really sorry for that. I feel just terrible." He looked at me with sadness, guilt, and regret. At least that's what I thought it was.

"What did I tell you before? It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. We were just playing a game." I looked into his eyes, hoping that he would finally get it through his head. I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous his eyes were. They were just a deep ocean that I desperately wanted to jump into. I wanted to stare into them, to drown in the deep watery depths. I couldn't help but remember the dream I had the night before. I desperately wanted to feel what him kisses were like. Would they be exactly as I had imagined them? Would they be worse? Would they be better? I just sat there and imagined what it would be like to just melt in his arms. He probably though I looked like an idiot, just gaping at him for like five minutes.

"No, you don't look lie an idiot at all. You look gorgeous." He whispered.

"You can hear what I am thinking?" I exclaimed.

"Well, yeah, I usually can all of the time. But only yours when I am in human form." He admitted. "And it's only when I am concentrating on you."

I think I turned the color of a beet. "So you just heard everything I thought? Even the dream thing?" I desperately hoped he hadn't. That would be so embarrassing.

He looked at me awkwardly.

"Oh no…" I could have died right there on the spot. He had just seen one of my deepest secrets, and to make it worse it was about him. This couldn't possibly get any worse.

"If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way. I constantly find myself wondering what your lips feel like. I just always want to protect you; to hold you in my arms and never let you go." He wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest. I was completely at ease. How had a conversation about me being okay suddenly change to him declaring his feelings? And why did it even have to happen. I know for sure that we couldn't even be together. He was a distraction. And it's not like I would even want to be with him. Would I? _No! You most definitely wouldn't!_ The guardian inside me said. But the girl in me was saying otherwise. This whole thing was getting more confusing by the minute.

"I know you're into the whole 'girls don't need a mate thing', but sometimes I find myself hoping that our mind will suddenly change. I want to be there for you at your transformation. I want to be the one to help you through it." Jordon murmured. I could tell he was inhaling my scent and I was relishing his. He smelled sort of like pine and rain, just like the outdoors.

"No." I told him. His body tensed up around me. "I won't have anyone there. I will be a guardian and for me that means no distractions." I pulled away, seeing the sadness on his face. I felt guilty but this was my choice. I was determined to be there alone. Okay, so maybe the distraction part wasn't the only reason I didn't want to find a mate, I'll admit. I also wanted to prove that I was strong enough. Tons of girls before me have been determined to go without but in the end it always happened. I, Alexia Wilde, was going to be the first female to go through it alone. No mate and no helpful stand-ins. I wanted to prove that I could deal with the pain and be one of the most powerful guardians in our history. I wanted to show our kind that it didn't matter if you were a girl or a boy.

"That's what I thought you were going to say." He smiled a sad smile. "Now get some rest. You've had a hard day." Jordon laid me back down onto my bed. I tried to protest but he just shushed me by putting a finger against my lips. "Sleep." He kissed my forehead and left me to think about all that had just happened.

That night, again, I dreamt of Jordon. But this time I was in the forest with a full moon hovering above. It was almost to its zenith. I was completely alone. I had nobody to help me. I would be making my transformation alone. A sharp pain ran through my body and I fell to the ground. The pain refused to go away and I couldn't move. I screamed out for help. A figure came towards me and through inspection I found it was Jordon. "Alexia!" He called out my name over and over again but I could not answer through the pain. "Alexia!" He ran up to me. I saw the concern cross his face and I blacked out.

"Alexia!" Natalie was shaking me as I woke up, breathing heavy.

"Wha…" I started.

"You must have been having a bad dream. You were screaming at the top of your lungs. Gosh, I thought you were dying or something. What happened?" Natalie asked.

"I just…it was my transformation." I stated. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Go back to sleep. It was just a dream. Besides, your birthday isn't even for like six days. You will be fine." She comforted and then went back to bed. I glanced out the window where the sky was an orange-ish color, showing that it was just about dawn. Nobody would be up for a few hours. Even though Natalie recommended that I go to bed, I just couldn't. I wasn't risking it. That dream had really freaked me out. I walked over to the window quietly, as to not wake up Natalie, and watched the sun slowly creep over the land and into the sky.

I did this a lot when I couldn't sleep. It sort of calmed me and let me think. I pondered things that had to do with everything. I thought mostly about my transformation though. I still wanted to do it alone but now that it was coming nearer I wasn't sure if I could. What if I would need someone to be there? Could I let Jordon help me like he wanted? Should I? I had so many questions about this all. Why did it have to be so difficult? Surely not every other girl had to go through this all. It was seriously my own confusing hell.

I stared at the edge of the forest admiring the trees swaying in the wind. A red furred wolf peeked through the bushes and stared at me. I smiled and I saw a little twinkle in his eyes. _Hey_, I thought, hoping Jordon could hear me even though he was pretty far away. He just stared up at me for a few seconds longer and then left to go back to whatever he was supposed to be doing.

* * *

**soooo...? What did you think? Good? Bad?**

**It took me so long write and to decide what to do with this chapter. I wasn't sure if I was ready for Jordon to tell her yet, but when I started writing my mind just took over.  
And I liked so I went along. I actually think this is one of my favorite chapters.**

**Sorry about the delay :( Having drivers training, going to six falgs for two days and writers block doesn't reall help things. But hey, I'm not making excuses.**

**And you must know what I am going to say next...**

**Review please... I'll give you an imaginary cookie and be your best friend forever. :D Oh come on you know you want to...**


	6. A Day Ruining Breakfast

**Hellooooo my dearies! I am very proud to announce that I, PanicWithCare, am back with another chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but Natalie Jordon, and Alexia...  
**

**

* * *

**

Natalie woke up at about eight o'clock. By then I had gone back to my bed and was reading a book. "Hey." I said.

"Mornin'." She wiped the sleepiness out if her eyes. "How are you doing?" She asked.

I wasn't sure if she was talking about my injury or the fact that I was screaming my head off last night, so I settled for a shrug and a 'fine'.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" Natalie asked to fill the silence.

"Sure." Truth was, I wasn't really in the mood for talking. I was stuck in thinking mode. After Natalie got dressed we went down to the cafeteria where only a few people sat. We ate our cereal in silence and awkwardness. Occasionally she would say something or ask a question and I would give her a one-word answer.

"What's up with you?" She finally asked. "You've hardly said anything and eaten only a few bites of your food." She pointed to my almost full bowl.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking is all."

She rolled her eyes. "I haven't had a complete conversation with you since Jordon was in our room last night. What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing…" I wasn't in the mood for her to know about Jordon's confession last night and he probably wouldn't appreciate it either.

She raised an eyebrow giving me an 'I know you're lying' look. "Tell me."

"I don't want to talk about it." I told her.

"You'll have to tell me sometime." I stuck my tongue out at her. "Or I could just ask Jordon."

"Please don't." I begged. That might possibly be worse than me having to tell her.

"Speak of the devil." She said as she looked at something behind me. I turned to see Jordon walking into the cafeteria from a night of patrolling. Man, did he look tired. I assumed that he was just coming to get something to eat before heading off to sleep for a few hours. But, instead of going to get some food he noticed us and made a beeline to our table.

"Hi, Jordon." Natalie said happily. Why was she in such a good mood?

Jordon flashed one of his award winning smiles. "Good morning, girls."

"Uh, hey." I said awkwardly. How the heck didn't he feel at all weird about what he said the night before? I was freaking out every time I just thought about it but he was acting like it never even happened. Maybe I was just overreacting about the whole thing.

I think he might have noticed that I was feeling a little weird when nobody said anything for a few moments. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm going to go get some food and then some shut eye. Are you guys going to the Sly Fox this afternoon? We were all going to meet up at five." He asked.

"Probably." Natalie answered when I just shrugged. As a matter of fact we _were_ going tonight. Natalie wouldn't shut up about it and insisted we went. She was all up for the socializing and hanging out. I insisted that we just stay at Wolford like I normally did when everyone went out but, no. We just _had_ to go. _"You need to socialize."_ Natalie had said. _"You can't just sit around on your computer through the hours of the day."_

"Well, see ya." He headed towards the food.

"Bye." Natalie said. It was obvious she was still drooling over him and refused to listen to me. But, at least she had toned her infatuation with him down. Once he was out of earshot she turned to me. "You are so lucky!"

"Why?" I ate another spoonful of Cheerios.

"Because that total god acknowledges that you exist." I almost spit my breakfast at her. "I just wish he would notice me." She had no idea what it was like. It might be Natalie's dream but it was my nightmare.

"Psh, you can have him if you want. I'd rather he noticed you than me." I mumbled grimly.

"Oh, come on girl. You just need to admit to yourself that you like him." I glanced over at that boy with the fiery red hair. I didn't like him, did I? Gosh, why does this stupid, cocky, self centered, gorgeous, funny, god-like guy have to make my life all confusing?

I pushed my bowl away from me. "I'm not hungry anymore." The legs of my chair screeched against the floor as I pushed it back and got up. I grabbed my half eaten bowl of cereal to go take care of it. I heard an identical sound as Natalie got up to follow me. I decided to go back to my room. After all, it was only ten o'clock; maybe I could get a little more sleep seeing as I was up through all hours of the previous night. I unlocked the door to our room and huffed as I plopped down onto my bed.

"I know there's something going on between you two." Natalie stated after a few moments.

"Huh?" I was taken off guard by her question.

"Jordon and you; There's something going on isn't there?" She inquired.

"Can we please not talk about Jordon right now?"

"Tell me what's going on between you two." Natalie insisted.

"Nothing!" I yelled. "Nothing is going on! Just because you're jealous that he is talking to me doesn't mean we have something going on!" I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. "Nat-"

"What happened to you?" She hissed. "Ever since you got hurt yesterday you've been all freaking out. You used to at least be happy; now all you do is mope. Did your brain get all messed up or something when you fell?"

"Natalie, I'm s-"

"Just forget it." She got up and stomped towards the door; a sure sign that she was seriously pissed off. "Come find me when you've stopped with all this." With that she slammed the door shut and I heard the faint sound of her trudging down the stairs.

"Ugh!" I threw my pillow in frustration out the door. Why did Natalie think this was entirely my fault? She was the one who wouldn't leave me alone! She had to have known that eventually I was going to freak out on her. Why couldn't she just let it go? Sure, maybe I shouldn't have said the jealousy thing to her but, she wouldn't stop. God! This is all Jordon's fault! I grabbed my blanket and pulled it over my face, trying to just go to sleep and forget the fight I had with one of my closest friends. I soon had to give up because I just couldn't sleep. Natalie had gotten me all worked up and my brain refused to shut off.

I think I lied in my bed for a few hours before I realized that I probably should get up. I checked the time. 3:27. Heck yes, I had to get up! Everybody probably thought I had fallen off the face of the earth. My stomach grumbled, reminding me that I had missed lunch. Luckily I had a few energy bars stashed in my room from our last hiking trip that, as a Sherpa, I was stuck on. I ate and then got up to fix my appearance. My clothes were definitely crumpled and I seriously need to run a comb through my hair.

Since I decided to go to the Sly Fox I might as well look good right? I changed out of my t-shirt and old jeans into a nicer pair of skinny jeans and a girly blouse. I locked my door behind me and headed out of the gates and to where we kept our cars; one of them being my old jeep. I figured tat I wouldn't get a ride and was happy that I at least had a license.

* * *

**Woo! I would just like to announce that my dreaded writers block is finally gone! I was thinking yesterday about how I really needed to update and then, like ten random ideas just came to me!**

**Sorry about the wait again... My lap top was broken and I had to use my dreaded crappy computer instead. But I finally got it fixed!**

**Uhh, Review! :D**

**And Thanks to all of the people that reviewed, favorited, etc. It really helps me out and gives me inspiration!**

**XOXO-PanicWithCare  
**


	7. An Awfully Friendly Game of Pool

**Sorry for the wait... Well, here ya go.**

**Disclaimer: As we all know, I am not Rachel Hawthorne and thus do not own the Dark Guardian series.**

**

* * *

**

**_An Awfully Friendly Game of Pool_**

As I pulled into the Sly Fox I noticed a few familiar cars parked on the parking lot. I especially noticed a certain car belonging to a certain redheaded guy. Butterflies arose in my stomach when I noticed it but I quickly shooed them away. I was not going to let him affect me.

I turned my Jeep off and got out of the car. Brittany greeted me as I walked into the popular hangout. She led me to where most of the teens from Wolford were sitting. I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed Natalie wasn't there yet. I assumed that she was going to get there with Kayla, seeing as her and Lucas weren't there yet either. I sat down, making sure to sit as far away from Jordon as possible. I definitely was not going to let myself slip up. "Hey guys." I put on a fake smile hoping that nobody was aware of the fight Natalie and I had gotten in earlier that morning.

I think only a few people actually noticed that I had arrived, but hey, that's what you get for being a loner your whole life.

_ Maybe Natalie was right. I do need to get out more._

Oh, shut up. Now's not the time to think about losing your best friend. You're out and should just enjoy the time. You should be having fun instead of moping.

_Fine._

The door to the sly fox opened and I turned my head out of instinct. I saw a flash of that black hair and put my head down, avoiding her curious gaze.

"Nat, Kayla, Lucas! We're over here." Of course Brittany just had to draw attention over to us. Natalie turned her head towards our table and came to sit down, Kayla and Lucas following behind her. The tension in the air was palpable as they sat down near our table. Ours was already full so the later arriving people had pulled another one closer and were filling that one up.

The waitress came to take our orders and mostly everyone got hamburgers (rare, of course). I wasn't really that hungry so I decided to excuse myself and get away from all of the stress. I went into the pool room and leaned against the wall, just watching the people play. I wasn't that good at pool but sometimes I liked to observe it. The big burly guy knocked the cue ball into the five, sending it shooting into the pocket.

"Hey." Came a voice next to me.

"Hey." I turned my head to face probably one of the people I most wanted to leave me alone.

"What are you doing in here just sitting all alone?" Jordon asked.

"I'm not all alone. There's a bunch of people in here." I gestured to the some fifteen people talking and playing pool.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I mean, you aren't talking to anybody. All you're doing is moping on this wall."

I didn't say anything to him.

"I heard about your fight with Natalie…"

I wanted to die right there.

"Now, I now that you're mad at her, and since I don't know what it's all about," I breathed a sigh of relief, " I'm probably not the best at giving you advice, but I do know that she's your best friend."

"She _was_ my best friend." I corrected.

"No," Jordon pulled my chin up so I was looking into his eyes. "She is still your best friend, whether you got in a fight or not. I don't know any other person that you have ever gotten along with as well as you did with Natalie and you shouldn't give that up over a little fight." I saw his gaze drop to my lips for a moment and then return to my face.

"It's not that easy. I said some stupid stuff that I shouldn't have and I don't know if she will forgive me." I felt a few tears gathering in my eyes for some reason.

"You won't know unless you try." Jordon pushed a stray hair away from my face. "You don't have to try right now but you should do it as soon as possible. I don't like to see you sad." I tried to hide my face as I blushed furiously. "You're cute when you blush." He complimented, just making me blush even more.

I noticed his gaze drop to my lips once more as he leaned closer. Our noses brushed and his mouth came crashing down onto mine. I must have been out of my mind because I willingly kissed back. Our lips moved in perfect harmony and his hands found my waist.

I suddenly realized where we were and who I was kissing. Quickly, I pulled away and looked around frantically; hoping nobody had seen what happened. The first face I saw was Natalie's. It showed surprise, disbelief, and mostly, hurt. I glanced back at Jordon who looked as surprised as I was.

"I, uh, I have to go." I ran out before anybody could have the chance to question me.

My hands were shaking so hard that it took me a while to get the keys into the ignition of my Jeep. I pulled out of the parking lot in a hurry. Oh my god, what had I just done? I kissed this guy who I had promised myself that I wouldn't get involved with. I probably just made the whole no-mate-just-stay-single thing that much harder. And then there was Natalie. I had probably just made her ten times madder at me.

I had betrayed the one person I had ever considered as my friend. Sure, we were mad at each other at the moment but that didn't change the fact hat I had broken her heart. She used to at least have a little hope of a chance with Jordon but with that one kiss her hope was gone. And it was all my fault.

And I wasn't even sure if I liked him or not anymore. I can't let go the fact that he used to be such a jerk but recently he's just been so sweet; especially that thing about making up with Natalie. Sure, not five seconds later had he totally made things worse, but it's not he knew what we were fighting about. Great, now there probably wasn't even a chance of making up with her now.

I parked my Jeep and trudged my way to the gates, quickly punching in the numbers to open them. I ran to get inside as fast as possible and went to my room, sneakily avoiding anyone who might ask why I was in such a hurry. When I got in there I realized that, because we shared a room, I would eventually have to face Natalie. I contemplated going somewhere else until I was sure she was asleep but then I realized that I had to pack for the hiking trip we were going on the next day. Great, it seems like my life just wanted me to face my problems.

I got out my hiking bag and started folding clothes to stuff in it. I packed little and mainly shorts and T-shirts, seeing as we would only be gone for three or four days. I had to be back for my transformation which was coming up very soon.

Not minutes after I began packing, did the door open revealing an emotionless looking Natalie.

"Natalie…" I didn't know how to begin to explain.

"Alexia!" She suddenly squealed, enveloping me in a hug.

It seems that she wouldn't be as angry and hurt as I thought she would be. But one thing I was sure about was the fact that I was really confused.

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait my dearies... I honestly don't have an excuse fr this one. I guess I'm just lazy.**

**Thanks for the reviews and remember to review this chapter. :D**

**To Anonymous reviewer... I think I just about died when I read your review but hey, thanks because it actually gave me some motivation to get this one finished.**

**Uh... If you actually read this whole authors not then put the word 'Narwhal' somewhere in your review.**

**XOXO- PanicWithCare  
**


	8. Making Up

**Making Up**

Natalie enveloped me in a tight hug, basically squeezing the air out of my lungs. "Uh, Natalie?" I was just slightly confused as to why she wasn't trying to murder me right now. She had just found out that I was totally stealing her man and she was freaking excited about it?

"Why didn't you tell me?" She squealed. "Oh my gosh, you two are so CUTE! I always new something was going on between you two, I mean, he just can't take his eyes off of you! And I know that I have seen you ogling at him before too…" She kept firing word at a speed where I could hardly understand. She wouldn't shut up so I figured I had to do something before she died of lack of oxygen.

"Wait, wait, wait…" I interrupted. "So you're not mad about it? You don't totally hate me?"

A puzzled expression crossed her face. "No, why would I?"

My face suddenly felt hot as I thought about what had happened and the last time I had accused her of being jealous that Jordon liked me. "Because I know you liked him and all…"

I was surprised when she laughed like she had just heard a very funny joke. "Sure, he's hot and I'm a little jealous that you got all of that but, I don't want a relationship or anything. I just like him as a piece of eye candy," I laughed at that. "I always knew that I had no chance with him when I first saw how he looked at you."

I cast my eyes down as I blushed furiously. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, you _have_ to see how he looks at you like you are his favorite thing in the universe. He always has that little sparkle in his eyes when you walk in the room. You're just too busy denying it to notice." I stuck my tongue out at her when she said that. "Ahh," She squealed. "When did it happen? You have to tell me _everything_!"

I grimaced but reluctantly did what I was told. "Fine." I started from the beginning; when we were little and he was a jerk. I explained to her about his meanness about me wanting to be a dark guardian; how he always would pick on me.

"I don't believe that he hated you or was purposely trying to be mean. Maybe it was just that thing kids do when they are mean to the person they like." She had said. Obviously she still had the thought stuck in her mind that Jordon was perfect.

I just ignored her comment and continued with my story. I told her about the day I met her and when I ran into Jordon. About how we had stared into each others eyes when he had knocked me down. I hesitated when I finally got to the part where he told me about wanting to be my mate. In the end I just decided to tell her. After all, she was my best friend and I could trust her.

At first I just told her about the mind reading part and she looked like she wanted to say something but I kept going. Before I could even finish that part she began squealing. "OHMYGOSH, What did you say?" She rushed out.

I explained to her that I had said no and was still sticking with my no mate plan no matter how much I liked him (which was definitely an awful lot I realized). Finally, I filled her in on what Jordon had told me at the Sly Fox. When I finished she had a somber look on her face.

"I'm sorry…" I heard her say.

"About what?" For a moment I thought she was talking about the whole thing between Jordon and I, which caused me to be very confused.

"About the whole fight thing. You're right I was jealous. I just guess I couldn't stand the idea of you guys being together and not telling me about it. I just felt like I was being left out." She admitted.

"What? You have nothing to be sorry about! I totally shouldn't have said what I did. I was just stressed with what Jordon said and all." She smiled.

All of the sudden I yawned and realized how exhausted the day had made me, regardless of the extra naps I had that morning. "I'm going to bed."

"Okay, goodnight." I drowsily put on my pajamas and crawled into bed. It took me about two seconds to fall asleep.

The next day I desperately tried to avoid Jordon. It was all working well until I realized that we had to take out a group of hikers at noon and he was coming with. I took a shower seeing as I wouldn't be taking a good one in a few days and packed as Natalie watched. She hadn't decided to be a Sherpa so she wasn't able to come.

"Have fun, I'll miss you." She said as I was zipping my bag up, getting ready to go downstairs and meet up with the others.

"Don't worry; I'll only be gone for like four days. I'm not staying behind with the hikers. You'll have so much fun without me you won't even notice I'm gone." I assured her. She blushed when I said the last part but I decided to just ignore it.

"I doubt it. And hey, you'd better tell me about anything that happens with Jordon while you're gone. I expect a complete play by play." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I have to go I'll see you in a few days." I gave her a hug.

"Bye!" She called as I walked out the door.

"Bye!" I answered and made my way to the others in Tarrant. The others included Lucas, Kayla, Lindsey, Jordon, and Rafe. We were taking a group of about 15 kids that were in an outdoors club in a town just a few minutes away from Tarrant. I was a little late to get there and everyone was waiting for me.

"Hey Alex," I smiled as Lucas used his old nickname for me. "You are such a slowpoke, always the last one to get here." He ruffled my hair as if I was a little kid, screwing it up in the process.

"Don't think that just because you're older doesn't mean that I can't kick your butt, big bro." I pointed out as I tried to fix it. He just laughed.

"Okay everybody," Lucas cleared his throat mostly to get the group of thirteen and fourteen year olds to stop talking and pay attention. "Now that everyone is here," He gave me a look, "we can get going. Rafe you come with me to the front of the group, Kayla and Lindsey you get the middle, and Jordon and Alexia you two can go to the back and make sure nobody gets left behind." I groaned inwardly. Boy was this going to be sufficiently awkward.

One of the chaperones of the group took roll. Once they had confirmed that all of them were there we adjusted our pack and set out. We kept going until it started to get dark, only taking a few breaks for the sake of the group. I'm sure us Sherpas could have gone much longer, but the teenager didn't have quite as good stamina as us shifters.

I tried to avoid talking to Jordon for fear it would lead to talking about the previous day. He must have sensed it because after a few monosyllabic answers out of me he stopped trying to pursue a conversation. We set up camp and headed straight to bed seeing as there would be an early wake up tomorrow if we wanted to get to he designated spot on schedule. Kayla and I climbed into our tent while our other tent mate, Lindsey, got ready for her watch out shift with Lucas.

I laid down on my sleeping bag, loosing all thoughts and letting the loveliness of sleep just completely consume me.

* * *

**Oh, I liked writing this chapter. I just couldn't have Natalie and Alexia stay mad at each other. It was killing me. Even thought it wasn't as eventful as the last one I liked it cuz they are besties again. That's just how they roll XD**

**I'm sorry that I didn't put much of Jordon in this chapter but as I was writing it I just started to realize that Natalie should be informed of the goings on. She can't just be kept in teh dark! But I will probably get more of him in the next chapter.**

**Also, I know that some people wish that I would update faster but what can I say? I'm lazy. I can't promise for faster updates cuz I have a lot of stuff going on and I wil probably be updating less seeing as I start school tomorrow. I will try as hard as I can but there is no telling when and when I won't have time. I guess I should just say sorry in advance.  
ummmm...if you read this all put corn somewhere in your review :)  
**

**Remember to review and all. Please and thankyou. (See, I can have manners :D)**

**OXOX-PanicWithCare.  
**


	9. Decisions, Decisions

**Sadly this didn't come to me as well as I hoped it would. Sorry if it sucks.**

* * *

**Decisions, Decisions...**

I woke up strictly at the crack of dawn, actually pretty excited for the days work. We were planning to arrive at the camp that day and get things set up. I quickly changed my clothes and got up to join everybody. As I left my tent with my bag in tow I saw that all of the Sherpas were already up sitting around a campfire illuminating their tired faces. A few of the campers sat among them and I could faintly hear people getting up from their tents.

"Hi," I greeted as I sat down and got a cup of coffee. Even though I didn't enjoy the taste of it all that much, I seriously needed the caffeine. I felt the hot liquid warm me up as I swallowed each gulp. When I looked up from my cup across the fire I saw Jordon watching me with a smile on his face. I timidly smiled back, still slightly half asleep.

Nobody said much as we waited for the other campers to awake and sat by the fire. Once all of them were finally awake, we packed up the tents and such and continued our trek towards the campsite.

"Hey," Jordon walked along with me in the back of the group again by Lucas's orders. I definitely didn't try to hide the look I gave him.

"Hi," I glanced over at him to see him with that smirk of his that I hadn't seen in a while.

"How are you? You look a little frustrated lately. And I know that you and Natalie made up so that has nothing to do with it." He said.

"How did you know that Nat-?" I began.

He tapped his head. "I can read your mind, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well, if you can read my mind, why didn't you just find out what's wrong that way?" I stealthily avoided his question.

"Because I wanted you to tell me on your own; I try not to be too nosy." He replied. "Now, tell me what is wrong and don't avoid the question." He gave me a knowing look.

"I guess I'm just a little nervous about my full moon. I only have like three more days." I said, which was partly the truth.

He gave me a disbelieving look and said, "You know that my offer still holds. I want to go through it with you and help you." He took my hand as we continued to hike behind the group. His hand was warm against mine and I couldn't help but notice how nice it felt; which was one of the reasons I didn't let go.

"I know, but my answer still stays the same. I just can't. I have to prove myself." I explained.

"You don't have to prove yourself that way. You can have me as a mate and still be a good guardian." He pointed out.

I just shook my head and said nothing else. I really didn't want to get in an argument with him. We just continued to walk in silence, just enjoying each others presence. It got me to thinking about how bad it would actually be to just be with him. Jordon was a sweet and caring guy, regardless of how he used to treat me, and seeing him makes me happy.

Maybe I could go through my full moon alone and then be with him after. Nobody ever said you _had_ to go through it with your mate to be able to be with them. I mean, it had no effect for the guys...I saw Jordon make a face as I thought this. I guess he didn't like that plan as much as I thought he would.

"It's not that I don't like the plan, it's just that I don't want you to go through it alone. I don't know what I would do if you didn't make it." He explained.

I let go of his hand, stopping in my tracks, and turned to face him. Jordon mimicked the motion. "What are y-?"

"You don't think I will make it do you? That's right, I'm just a girl, I'm not strong enough to make it through it alone? Is that it? I must have been crazy to actually think you had changed." I almost shouted, but realizing just in time that we were still with a group of campers and I didn't want to make a scene.

"No, it's just-" he began.

I cut him off once again. "Save it. I don't want to hear anything from you right now." I began walking again, trying to catch up with the group had gotten quite far ahead. When I finally got caught back up with them, Jordon trailing behind me, I tried to ignore him but it didn't really work out.

"Look," He tilted my chin so I was looking at him even though I tried to avoid. "I'm not saying that I don't think you can, but nobody has ever gone through it alone. There's no telling what could happen. I just don't want you to get hurt trying to prove something that doesn't need to be proved. We all know how great of a dark guardian you are going to make."

I started to see his point and just got more frustrated because even though he was right, I wanted, no needed, to prove myself as much as I could. It just seemed like the most successful way. "I just can't." I shook my head and he looked a little disappointed.

Neither of us said anything until we got to the campsite and even then we only discussed our plans for the next day. We were leaving and going back while the others stayed to watch the campers. We sat by the campfire, eating smores and stuff, until everybody got tired and started heading to bed. I watched as the circle got smaller and smaller.

I was getting tired but did not go to my tent. Lindsay and I were on watch duty for the first half of the night. Eventually everybody was gone and Lindsey and I sat around the fire together in silence.

"Do you love him?" Lindsey asked.

"What?" I was caught by surprise by her question.

"Jordon; Do you love him?" She repeated.

I thought about a second. Did I love him? I was so against it before that I had never even thought about the possibility of it. "I-I think so."

"So just let him be your mate." She commanded.

"It's not that easy, Lindsey."

"Yes, it is. He likes you and you like him so just let things fall into place." She told me.

"How did you know that Rafe was supposed to be your mate?" Lindsey seemed surprised by my question.

"I don't really know. I had these feelings for him that were so strong and I was afraid of them. Just seeing him makes me the happiest person on the face of the Earth. Somehow I just had this feeling in my gut." She had a glazed look in her eyes and I guessed she was remembering sometime with Rafe.

I thought back between Jordon and I. I admit I was attracted to him, but was it the type Lindsey was talking about? Were we meant to be together or were we just kidding ourselves. Jordon seemed to think we were but, me? I wasn't so sure.

Not much was said as we finished our shift and Jordon and Kayla came out for theirs. I caught eyes with him and go red, realizing that there was a possibility he had heard Lindsey and I's whole conversation. I really hoped he hadn't.

I went to bed but it took me a while to actually fall asleep. I was too busy thinking about the conversation I had with Lindsey. Mostly the previous questions were running through my mind. Were we really meant for each other, destined to be mates? Could I give up my whole plan of being a dark guardian just for this guy? Should I let myself feel for him how I want to or should I keep my plan and stay alone for my full moon? Then I again was questioning my ability to make it through all alone.

Oh, decisions, decisions. Little did I know that they were only going to be more difficult to make.

* * *

**Yup that's right I haven't totally forgotten about you. I just have a bunch of stuff I've been caught up with and this story hasn't really been the top of my priorities.  
I tried sooo hard to make this chapter nice but I didn't really have a plan for it. I pretty much just ended up making it a filler chapter but I promise some better stuff will come up soon. Remember there is only like four days until her Full Moon so stay tuned. I am hoping to finish this up soon. there will probably be about 3 or 4 more chapters but it could always end up being more.  
**

**so I have to tell you guys that the other day I got hit on the head with a base drum and thought I might have a concussion but the whole time all I could think about is how I felt like Alexia... I had ever been so excited to get hurt in my life.**

**Oh, I almost forgot the disclaimer... As you all should know, I am not Rachel Hawthorne and I do not own anything in the Dark Guardian series :)**

**Don't forget to review! I'll love you forever!  
**

**Well, Peace out til next chapter (which hopefully will be soon!)**

**XOXO-PanicWithCare**


	10. Why Bridges Suck

**Okay, so I totally give you guys permission to hate me because it's been like FOREVER since I've updated. But I tried to make this longer to say sorry even though it's not much.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Dark Guardian Series**

**

* * *

Why Bridges Suck**

I woke up in the morning raring and ready to go. Once Jordon's and my things were packed and good lucks for my full moon were exchanged, we headed on our way. Not much was said as we trudged through the forest. There was an awkwardness in the air as our conversation from the day before flooded into my brain. I glanced over at him and the look on his face told me he was either listening to my thoughts or also remembering.

My anxiety grew as the day progressed. I grew more excited about my full moon the more I though about it. I became more confident, although the occasional doubt flew into my head. I grew so confident that by the time we reached the river that we had to cross, I felt like I could make it through anything and that caused for more problems.

The sun was beginning to set and we were running out of time to get home, so we became a little rushed. I was first to climb across the rather old and rickety bridge. I took a step out and it seemed safe so I continued across. Once I made it about halfway across the bridge a plank fell. I yelped a little but other than that continued. But, a few steps later another plank fell from under me. I was not as lucky that time and fell into the cold rushing water.

The shock of it stunned me at first, but luckily it was only midsummer instead of winter. I faintly heard Jordon yelling my name above the surface, but I could hardly tell over the rush of the water. It scraped my body along the bottom as it tried to suck me down further under. I tried to swim toward the surface but the current was too strong. I hit my head along the bottom and saw stars along my vision, making it harder to try and fight against the current.

I felt a strong arm grab me around the waist and pull me to safety. When I reached the surface I was gasping for air, finding that I had been under there for a while and needing to desperately fill my lungs. My eyes fluttered open, finally seeing my surroundings. I lay on the ground on the opposite bank that we had been before. But, I must have been pulled a long way because I wasn't in a familiar part of the forest.

Jordon kneeled above me, checking to make sure I was still alive I assumed. He must have noticed that I was shivering because he looked up at my face to see that my eyes were open. "You're awake!" he breathed. "I'm so glad you're okay."

I shivered in response.

"Oh, you must be freezing, here." He started to take off his shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm going to give you my shirt so that you're not so wet and cold." He said like it was completely obvious.

"But I have some clothes in my pack. Why can't I wear those?"

"Well, we aren't anywhere near our packs. The river brought you a long ways away from the bridge. And I thought this would just be easier and warmer than being wet and cold. Now take that wet shirt off and put my dry one on. I won't look." He handed me his shirt and turned around while I changed.

While he was turned around I noticed a tattoo on his shoulder blade. Not just any tattoo but one showing a name; a name to a person that Jordon had declared as his mate. I gasped aloud, wishing I had the ability to read that one name written in ancient symbols on his body.

"What's wrong?" Jordon questioned, hearing my outburst.

"You have a tattoo!" I pointed out.

Jordon looked at me but didn't say anything.

"What's her name?" I asked. I wanted to know the person that had stole Jordon's heart. I knew finding out would hurt me but, after so many times rejecting him, I knew he would have had to have given up on me.

Confusion crossed his beautiful face. "Who?" he asked.

"The girl whose name you have tattooed on your back; what's her name?" I looked away so that he wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes.

"Wait, what? Alexia, I know you can't be that dim. You _must_ know whose name this is."

I gave him a look that said that I obviously didn't.

He walked over taking my face in his hands. He smiled and planted his lips against mine. They were warm and made the fact that I was still a little wet a lot more bearable in the short moments his lips touched mine. When he pulled away, I again found myself in a trance from his eyes.

I immediately regretted the kiss. He was bound to another girl, whom we were just talking about, and yet he had just kissed me.

Jordon shook his head at me. "There is no other girl-"

"But you have a tattoo on you're back!" I, again, pointed out.

"It's you. You're name is on my back. You're the one I have devoted myself to." He explained.

"But I don't-"

"I don't care if you don't want me as you're mate. You're the only one I want. Even if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else but you." He looked at me intently.

I suddenly noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt and he was extremely well built. Snapping out of the trance that his muscles had put me in, I vaguely realized that it was almost dark and we needed to get back to Wolford. "Uh…We should probably get going. We have to get home soon." I pointed out, breaking his gaze.

"Oh, yeah, right." He ran a hand through his hair and looked towards the sky like he was just realizing that it was dusk.

"How are we supposed to get there on time?" I wondered out loud.

Jordon looked at me. "I have and idea. Why don't we run…" A mischievous look crossed his face.

"But, I can't. I haven't had my transformation yet." I said. As soon as I finished my sentence I realized what he meant.

"You'll have to carry my clothes for me and we'll have to go get the packs, okay. Wait until I'm in my wolf form and then come pick up my clothes." I told him that I understood and we went off behind a few bushes. Even though it was awfully dark already, he wasn't taking any chances for me to see him in his birthday suit. I stood there with my back turned for a few minutes, the anxiousness creeping up on me. I was finally going to see Jordon in his wolf form up close.

I waited until I figured that Jordon would be in his form until I turned around and looked for his clothes. I found them neatly folded on the ground right where he had been. I picked them up, calling out for Jordon. In response a beautiful ginger wolf slowly walked towards me. I gasped. He was even more gorgeous up close than just seeing him from my bedroom window.

Those blue eyes that I loved so much stood out drastically against his red fur. He reminded me more of a fox than a wolf, although he was much bigger than a fox. A little smirk crossed his wolfish face and I realized that he could read my mind all of the time in wolf form.

Instead of drooling over his gorgeousness all night-which I probably could-I got climbed onto his back. We ran gracefully through the forest until we got to the bridge that I had fallen through. I gathered our packs; mine was really wet because it had, sadly, fallen in also. Good, thing I hadn't gone back to get dry clothes, they wouldn't have been very dry.

Once I was back to Jordon and things were situated on him(I was really surprised that he could hold that much weight; our packs weren't to heavy but the weren't super light either) we headed back to Wolford. We got back there fast, even for the short distance we had to go. I muttered a quick thanks to Jordon for saving me, telling him that I would have his shirt back o him once it was washed, said goodnight, and went straight to be.

When I got in the room Natalie was ready to bombard me with questions regarding my appearance; falling into a river didn't do much for your looks. I tried to tell her the whole story but soon found myself crashing with exhaustion from the days activities. I couldn't even finish my story without falling asleep and, with much pleading on my part, Natalie finally let me go to bed; but not without promising to finish telling her about the past few days the next morning.

I crashed within a few seconds of hitting my bed and soon finding myself dreaming of a redheaded boy. I was going to _have_ to stop myself from these reoccurring dreams about him.

**Once again, I am totally sorry for taking so long with this update. I've had this chapter ready for like two weeks but haven't been able to use my laptop so I have had to use my dad's. For the rest of the time I've made you wait, well, I totally lost interest in this story for a while and the recently just went back to it.**

**I hope that I won't have to make you guys wait too long again for the next chapter, but there's no promises.**

**Anyways, Happy Holidays!**

**-XOXO PanicWithCare**


	11. A Day of Struggle

**Okay, so I know that you guys probably hate me or something but I'm super super sorry. I had the worst writers block on the face of the earth and I haven't really been having the best few months of my life but today I just kept getting new ideas and I thought hmm maybe I'll try going back to Love or Honor again. Turns out it was a good plan. I wrote the rest of this in record time. You guys probably thought I forgot about you but I didn't. You were always there nagging at the back of my mind. If yo're still sticking with me I love you and this chapter is dedicated to you**

A Day of Struggle

Natalie woke me up early the next morning trying to question me about the previous few days. I didn't really want to tell her but she tricked me into it by refusing me access to the bathroom and shower (which I desperately needed). Once I told her most of what happened on the trip, leaving out a few details like the fact that Jordon had my named tattooed permanently on his back, she finally let me get clean and dressed. I spent my time in the shower enjoying it after spending the past few days in the woods. When I got out, refreshed and clothed, Natalie and I headed for our daily breakfast together. Well, I guess you could call it a brunch considering it was almost noon.

As we strode down the halls of Wolford, I grew more aware of the fact that my moon was only about a day and a half away. As people passed a few of them wished me luck for the next night. Seth, a sweet guy that I didn't know that well but always respected, actually stopped us, giving me a hug.

"Good luck tomorrow, Alexia. I heard that you were planning to go alone and I just wanted to praise you and your bravery. I doubt most of the girls here would even think about doing something like that." He said.

"Thanks, Seth. It's nice to know that some people think that I can do it." I smiled at his sincerity. "We were just heading off to get some food; do you want to join us?" I offered.

He looked towards Natalie who had been quiet the whole time. "No, I already ate but maybe I'll see you guys later."

"Okay, see ya."

"Bye, Alexia. Bye, Natalie." I thought I saw him wink at Natalie before he turned away, but maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. Natalie waved goodbye and as Seth turned around I saw a little scarlet appear on her cheeks.

"What was that all about?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know." Natalie fibbed.

I could tell she was lying (she was terrible at it) but wasn't really in the mood to question it. I knew how annoyed I got when she asked about Jordon and I. I let it go and we both went and ate our late breakfast.

"When are you leaving?" Natalie asked once we were nice and comfortable at a table.

"I'm planning to leave at maybe seven or eight o'clock tonight. That way I will get there right before dark and then rest. Apparently the first transformation is supposed to really tire you out." I would be leaving for it that night. The next time I would be back at Wolford I would be a full shifter and Guardian. Something I was looking very forward to.

"And you're sure you're going to do this alone. You haven't had an epiphany or something and realized that you're totally out of your mind?" She looked concerned.

"I don't understand why you are just so relentless about the whole thing, Nat." I huffed, getting tired of all the people who thought I couldn't do this.

"I just feel like it's a little ridiculous. You have someone who _wants_ to be there for you. I don't get why you would give it up. It's not like you have to do this alone. There is a perfectly great guy down on his knees basically begging you to let him be there from what you've told me. You don't have to go through all of this to prove yourself." She explained.

"At first it was about me but now, it's about all the other girls in the future. I don't want them to be afraid of standing up for themselves or not getting a mate. I want everyone to know how awesome it is to be able to stand up for themselves. I don't want them worrying about not making it through their transformation." I suddenly lost my appetite. "I've got to go get ready for tomorrow night." With that I took care of my dishes and headed back to my room.

When I got to Natalie and I's door I saw someone leaning against it. It looked like he had been waiting there for a while for me to get back.

"What are you doing here, Jordon?" I asked, pushing back the fluttery feeling that popped up in my stomach when I saw those cerulean eyes.

"I just wanted to see before you left and tell you good luck." He ran a hand through his hair and for the first time I realized how much he had actually changed from when we were little and how much he actually cared for me. Jordon was willing to give up being with me for my stupid plans. I'd broken his heart many times and he still came back. He refused to give up even though I just kept turning him down. I now saw that he had changed.

But now, I wasn't sure if I wanted to have my full moon without him.

"You make this decision so much harder." I pointed out to him. I let out a breathy chuckle to try and make myself feel less awkward.

"I don't mean to." He took my hand. "I just want you to know how much you mean to me." He stepped closer to me.

I tried to back away but found myself trapped between Jordon and the wall. I couldn't let us get closer. It would only make it more difficult to leave tonight without him. I looked into his deep blue eyes, getting lost in the ocean of emotions I didn't understand. "Alexia." He whispered and his lips took over mine. They met in a fiery passion and I knew this was wrong. I was the daughter of our most important elder. It was my job to protect our kind. But I couldn't help myself. My hands tangled themselves in his hair and his arms found my waist. I stifled a moan in the back of my throat.

My heightened senses made his smell even better and I found myself even more attracted to him. I couldn't think of anything better than that moment right then.

That's when I suddenly realized what I was doing.

"Stop," I pushed him away, hating the empty feeling it gave me. "I can't." I told him and he seemed to understand. It was like he had already known I would do that.

He walked away slowly but not before he gave me one last glance. I would never forget the look on his face, nor the sadness in his eyes taking over all other emotions. I would never forget how I had hurt the man I loved. But it was for all or kind. Two peoples' happiness would have to be sacrificed for all of us.

I thought about running after him but wasn't sure if I should or not. Instead I just dropped down to the floor and put my head in my hands. I didn't know how much longer I could do this. I didn't think I could hurt him for much longer. How many times was I going to have to turn him down and see his pain until I just caved?

I'm not sure how long I just sat in the hallway. I just remember sitting there until Natalie found me on her way back to our room. "Alexia?" She asked when she found me. "Why aren't you getting ready to leave? It's almost six o'clock."

"I saw Jordon." I looked up towards her. "I'm hurting him, Nat. He's been nothing but sweet to me since I came this summer and I'm breaking his heart. But the worst thing is I still can't seem to change my mind. I still have to go through this alone. Does that make me a terrible person?"

"Not at all." Natalie held out her hand and I grabbed it, letting her help me up. "Now, come on, you have to leave. If you don't go soon you won't get to wherever you're going until tomorrow morning. Which you still haven't told me where that place happens to be." She added as an afterthought.

I was trying to keep it a secret where I was going for my first transformation for a reason. If someone knew then Jordon was sure to know. This was pointless because he could simply listen to my thoughts and figure it out but I guess my mind just wanted one last thing keeping me away from him. The day before I had decided where I would be going. The waterfall was the most beautiful of all the sites and considering it was just me having my transformation tonight, I was able to pick whatever place I wanted to go to. Obviously I had decided to go there.

"You know I'm not going to let it slip. There's too much at stake." I repeated to her for the millionth time.

I chatted with her as I finished packing my bag up. Thankfully she had changed the topic of conversation to something much more comfortable for me. I put the last thing I needed into my pack and headed toward the door.

"If you need anything then talk to me on the walkie talkie." She reminded me for what had to be the hundredth time.

"I will."

"I'll stay with someone that has one at all moments in case."

"Got it."

"And don't get in any trouble. Come right back tomorrow morning, I want you to know everything about it." She insisted.

"Okay."

"Ah, I'm just so excited for you. It's like my little girl is growing up right in front of my eyes!"

"Nat, you're younger than I am…" I reminded her.

"Yeah, but I can't get over the fact that you're already for your first moon! Growing up and going to be a pledged guardian tomorrow!" She squealed, further proving my point that she definitely shouldn't be treating me younger than her when she acted like that.

"Don't worry, Mommy dearest, I'll try to stay safe and I'll be back first thing on the morning to gush to you about my first full blown shifter experience." I gave her a big hug before I stepped out the door and on to my way towards hopefully one of the greatest nights in shifter history.

All that was left was to go talk to my parents so they could see me off and maybe give me some advice.

**Okay so I'm posting this and getting gright back to writing the next chapter. Coming up next Alexia talks to her parents, so you get to see a little about them.**

**Reviews are my drug!**

**XOXO- PanicWithCare**


	12. What Ifs

**Wow, I'm back already with a new chapter. I'm really proud of how most of this chapter turned out. I guess I mus tdedicate this one to my friend Katie, who I bounced ideas off for other things and it gave me the motivation and inspiration to actually write this in about two sessions.**

**I apologize for any typos I wrote this all at around 3 in the morning on both days I worked on it.**

**It is currently 4:51 in the morning but I just wouldn't wait to post this for you guys. I really hope you like it because I worked super hard. I actually probably only was able to write this because my tumblr hasn't been working and it's pretty much what I've been foccusing on when I'm on the computer.**

**Anyway, you don't care, so on to the good stuff**

**Disclaimer: Once again I don't own The Dark Guardian Series. I mean, I wish I did because that would be feally effin' cool but I don't. I jsut have Jordon, Natalie, and Alexia. Even though that is still pretty cool**

* * *

What If's

I found the room my parents were staying in and proceeded to knock on the door. My father opened the door with a large grin on his face.

"Lexi!" He enveloped me in a large hug as if I hadn't seen him in weeks. I groaned as he used the old nickname. "We're so glad that you stopped by before you left for tonight."

I noticed my mom get up from where she was sitting on the couch. "My baby is growing up! I can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday that you were running around in diapers being chased by your brother."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You're just as bad as Natalie, mom."

"Come, sit with me." She said as she sat back down, patting the spot next to her. I cautiously sat down, lest she went into a motherly fit or something.

"I can't believe it, time for your full moon already. How do you feel?"

I thought about the question for a moment. "Scared."

"That's only natural. I was terrified for mine. But, your father was there to help me through it and you have Jordon to help you through yours." She gave me a reassuring smile.

And that's why it broke my heart so say what I did next.

"Jordon's not going to be there."

A look of shock crossed both my parents' faces.

"Did that boy back out on you? I knew he was a good for nothing stinkin-"

I interrupted my father, who looked like he wanted to rip someone's eyes out. "No, it wasn't Jordon, dad. He's actually been really great about the whole thing. It was my decision to not go out there with him. I have to face this thing by myself. I have to show that I can do this."

My parent's looked speechless.

"But why on Earth would you do that, dear?" My mother questioned.

"It's just something I have to do." I finalized. "I've got to go." I got up from my seat and headed toward the door with my parents following behind.

"Look, we'll support you whatever your choice is." My father said as he and my mother gave me goodbye hugs. "You're incredibly brave and we wish you luck."

"I love you, and we'll see you when you get back." Mom called as I walked out and towards the parking lot that held my transportation I needed to get to the lair I would be staying in.

Getting on the ATV, I glanced around, hoping that I had seen everyone I needed to before I left. If I didn't make it through this thing I wanted to make sure everyone had said goodbye. It wasn't a very good thought but I just had to take the precaution. In the distance, hiding in the trees, I thought I had seen something lurking. Something that looked a lot like a red wolf. A very sad looking red wolf.

The way to the caved lair was about a day and a half trip. Initially I had been thinking about going to the waterfall lair but soon decided against it. The waterfall lair was probably the most common of all of them.. I wanted my first full moon to be special and definitely not at the same place my brother's girlfriend had hers at.

At first I was excited about finally doing this. It was my first moon and soon I was going to be a fill fledged shifter. But soon, I grew bored. I had no one to talk to and it was getting lonely being by myself. I thought about what it would have been like if Jordon would have been here with me. He'd probably be goofing off like he normally does. Or he would be bugging the crap out of me. Maybe we'd be talking about plans for the full moon. Maybe I'd tell him how scared I was for it, or perhaps he would already be able to tell, and he would comfort me. He would tell me about his full moon and know that I would make it through mine.

No, no, I couldn't think about that. I had made my decision and he wouldn't be here.

I stayed the night at a closer lair, the large area feeling cold and lonely without another person there with me. Before I left the next day, I refilled my bag with a few granola bars from the boxes of food held at the lair. It was early, the sun just recently haven come up, a rare occurrence for someone who really liked to sleep in.

I got to the ATV that I had parked outside the previous night and got back on my way towards my final destination, yawning as I did so. The trip that day was just as bad as the previous, if not worse. It was just me, stuck with my growing thoughts. I was beginning to have doubts again. What if I didn't make it? What if something happened and I couldn't get anyone to help? The thoughts weighed down on me as I got closer and closer to the lair.

I was beginning to feel my full moon coming up as the day progressed. I could smell things that I could never smell before. I used to just be able to smell the scent of woods but now I could smell the pine trees, the flowers, maybe a few animals. My skin was over sensitive. It was tingling as if in excitement and fear just like my mind was.

Eventually I reached the cave lair; thankful the boring ride was over but worried about what was to come. It was about 6 pm, still a few hours until the sun would set. I was going to take a nap soon, knowing I would be exhausted and needed all the strength I could get for that night, but first I decided to take a little look at the scenery.

The cave lair was beautiful. If you went deep enough you would find yourself in a cavern of running water. The stream was clean and would probably be safe to swim in if it weren't for the fact that it was freezing cold. I wasn't sure where it went to. One time I had tried to follow it but found that it only ended into a small opening not large enough for any human.

Now that I was closer to my full moon the cave suddenly didn't seem as quiet as it had previous time I was there. As I headed to the stream area I found that it was also easier to see in the darkness. Before I was barely able to see much even with a flashlight but now I could easily see everything almost without it. I noticed crystallization that I hadn't before that had formed on the cave walls. It seemed that the lair was more beautiful than the last time I had been there. But, maybe that was my newly heightened senses and my new appreciation for the reason I was there.

Suddenly the fact that I was really tired actually hit me. That's what I get for waking up way earlier than normal especially when I'm already going to be tired from my approaching full moon.

I made sure that the ATV was covered with twigs and brush so that no approaching hikers or animals would know I was there. A huge yawn made me pause from taking our some blankets and bedding from the boxes located in the corner of the cave. I didn't take me long to fall asleep. Even though I had a lot of thoughts on my mind and the makeshift bed wasn't too comfortable, I was exhausted and needed to sleep.

_I was in the forest, exactly the place I had planned to go through my full moon in. It was the middle of the night but it wasn't dark at all. One for my heightened eye sight but also because the moon was full and bright looking down at me from straight above, it's light cascading across the surrounding trees._

_Jordon appeared in front of me, wearing the traditional black robe that men wore for their mate's full moon. "Are you ready for this?" He asked me._

_I didn't answer, a look of panic crossing my face. Was I ready for this? I had spent all of my life waiting for this day to finally come and now that it was here, I wasn't sure if I could actually do it._

"_You'll do great." He smiled reassuringly at me._

_The moon light hit his face just right and he looked even more breathtaking than normal. I felt overwhelmed with emotions. Was this boy really mine? Did he even feel for me as much as I did for him? _I love you._ I thought, hoping he was listening._

_I felt his body tense for a second, proving that he was indeed listening. "Do you mean it?" He asked._

_I nodded as I lifted myself so my lips could meet his. Suddenly a jolt of pain shot through my body._

I woke up in a light sweat noticing that the sun had already gone down outside and only the moon shone, giving me a light to see my surroundings. I checked my watch seeing that it was only about 2 hours or so until the moon would reach its zenith. I figured I would get ready.

I took a bath in a nearby stream, not wanting to be gross for this momentous occasion. I followed that by putting on some light make-up and searching through the boxes until I found the traditional robes. I found the male one first, setting it aside until I dug farther into the box finding the white one for me. I put it on, felling slightly naked. But, knowing that it would make my shift easier, I stuck through it.

I set the black robe aside, a part in the back of my mind just hoping.

I thought back to the dream I had. It slightly reminded me of my previous one where I woke up to Natalie yelling at me to wake up. But this one meant a lot more. Were my feelings really that intense for Jordon? I missed him and I cared for him, but did I love him like I said n the dream? Why the heck did boys have to be so dang confusing?

I sat for a moment pondering until I realized that in about an hour the moon would be in it's zenith and I would be turning into a full-fledged shifter. I took a deep breath, trying but not succeeding in getting rid of the butterflies floating around in my stomach.

"Alexia…" An all too familiar voice came from the opening of the cave as I was just about to get up.

The butterflies in my stomach increased as I looked up to see…

**Wow, who could it be? I'm sure you guy's already have a clue though..**

**I love you all for having stuck with me through that long hiatus and I hope that I can update sooner just like this more often.**

**review and tell me your thoughts (I'd love to hear 'em)**

**XOXO-PanicWithCare**

**also, I realized that the way I've been signing off reminds me of the xoxo gossip girl. I wonder if I'm the only one who just realized that**


	13. The first

**Hi guys yes im finally back, im not even going to give you guys an excuse. I just suck and have gotten involved in tumblr and fandomsand my senior year. But im glad i finally go this written**

**here you go, the last installment of this story. I'm not going to lie, im a little sad that it's over.**

* * *

The butterflies in my stomach increased as I looked up to see…

"Jordon?" I couldn't believe my eyes. No, this couldn't be true. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm not giving up, Alexia. I never will." His eyes bore into mine. "You might think you can do this alone, and I bet you can but even so, I want to be here for you when you do it. I've accepted that maybe you don't want to be with me, but I still want to be here. I...I love you, Alexia. You're the only one that I want to be with and you're not going to get rid of me."

My heart almost stopped. Jordon had just told me that he loved me. I was caught again, caught in the struggle between Jordon and my honor.

No.

No no no, this wasn't happening not now. Not when the moon was less than an hour away from being at its zenith. "No. You have to go. Now." I looked up towards the moon.

Jordon suddenly looked surprised, like he knew that his confession was, of course, going to make me change my mind.

"I-I... okay... If that's what you really want." His eyes closed for a second and when they opened they were red, like he was about to cry.

He leaned towards me and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. I couldn't help but lean into it, hoping his lips cold just linger for a little bit longer.

"Bye then. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Or well, whenever you get back." He said. The hue turned around and walked out of the cave, almost if he was walking out of my entire life.

I wasn't sure how to feel about it. For one he was finally going to let me do what i wanted most, but I just couldn't shake the look he had as he was leaving. I'd never seen Jordon cry,I don't think. I'd known him since i was little and he'd never showed as much emotion as he'd shown the past few weeks. And then he had to go and say he lov-

Pain shot through my body.

It was time. I was finally going to become a true shifter. My excitement increased, as did my heart rate as another unbearable feeling ran through me.I headed out of the cave as well as i could, trying to deter the pain from affecting my shift. The old myth was that with the moonlight washing directly over you, instead of being stuck inside, your instincts could better take over and it would make the first shift easier.

Apparently i was doing well at getting the pain out of my mind, because i couldn't stop think about Jordon. I'd hurt him so much throughout these past few weeks, and all he wanted to do was be nice to me. He just wanted me to be with him and i refused him everything. Why did this boy have to do this to me. Why couldn't he just leave me alone and let me live my life. Things would have been so much easier. I wouldn't be worrying about the fact that doing what i wanted was hurting him. I would just be doing this with no thoughts only instinct.

But maybe the fact that he was there had been making things better. I mean, he was distracting me from the pain that was going through my body.

As I was thinking this, the pain just continued to get worse and worse. It eventually got so bad that I couldn't stand anymore, forced to lay on the ground and stare at the thing that was causing all of this for me. But after enough time, the pain became unbearable. The edges of my vision became all fuzzy, until the sight of the moon was completely gone altogether.

-  
_I'm running through a meadow._

_Correction, Jordon and I are running through a meadow. He gives me a wolfy grin, literally, and I notice Jordon is in his wolf form and through further inspection, I realize I am too. The wind rushes through my hair as I dodge trees and jump over branches littering the forest floor. This is it, I'm finally a true shifter, finally a guardian; a protector of my fellow shifters and wilderness._

_"Alexia!" Jordon is calling for me._

_I notice he'd stopped a while ago. "What?" I ask because he's looking at me weird._

_"Alexia!" Jordon just keeps yelling my name._

_"Alexia, Alexia, Alexia!"_

"Alexia! Alexia!" Jordon was still yelling my name but it mas more muddled this time. Not as clear as it had been a second ago. My eyes were shut though. I cautiously opened them, blinded by bright light of the moon at first. They soon adjust and a figure is standing over me. A red-haired, blue eyed figure.

"Alexia, are you alright?" He asks, concern covering his face.

"Jordon." I say, my cheeks lifting up at the sight of him.

"Oh my god, you're alive! I was afraid..." He drifts off and instead of finishing his sentence his arm wrapped around my body.

His lips touched mine in a sweet embrace.

"You made it." A salty droplet fell across his face. "You survived." He looked astounded, relieved, even amazed. But most of all, I could feel it radiating off of him. Maybe it was the full wolf senses or just intuition, but no one had ever looked at me as proudly as Jordon was at that moment.

Then the realization hits me. I'm alive. I did it. No one has ever made it through the full moon alone.

Nobody but me, that is.

"I...I." Im not sure whether it's raining or if the droplets are coming from my eyes. "I did it."

"Yes, you did."

I glance around for the first time. The grass is tickling my feet. The silky robe is slipping, dangerously close to showing everything. Leaves flutter, shaking from the soft breeze. Everything is pink, slowly turning brighter and brighter. Dust floats through the air and for a moment, I wonder if somebody replaced my corneas with magnifying glasses.

I was still in the clearing.

"How did you know what happened?" I asked. "I thought you left."

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you alone. I had to make sure you would be alright." He admitted and I couldn't help but smile.

"I hid from you so you wouldn't see me." He continued. "I couldn't stand to see you mad at me."

"I could never be mad at you." I shoved my face into his chest, reveling in his overpowering scent, only made better with my newly transformed nose. Why was he so perfect? I didn't deserve him. Why was I the one he picked? Out of all the wonderful people, I had the opportuniy to be his mate.

His mate.

I could be his mate now that had one through my transformation. The thought made me bubble up inside.

"It makes me even happier." He said, his voiced muffled from where it was coming through my hair.

At first i was confused. Had I just said that aloud?

Jordon laughed. "No, you didn't know?"

"Didn't know what?" I asked, confused.

"When you transform, you and your mate can hear each others' thoughts. It's how we communicate with each other in wolf form.

"But I thought that was only when they connect during the full moon?" I pointed out.

"This is the first time this has happened. Nobody could've guessed what it would be like. Maybe it's because I was near you or maybe it's just a thing with true mates." He shrugged.

"Oh yeah. This is a first." I looked up at him. "We are a first." I touched my lips to his a gain and when we parted he was looking into my eyes.

"I love you." I heard him think to himself.

"I love you too." I replied. Totally outloud and for the first time. It felt good to actually say it out loud.

"I love you so so so so much, and I'm so glad you stayed to be with me."

* * *

**thank you guys so much for reading. I really appreciate you putting up with my shit.**

**im incredibly thankful for you guys. For reading and liking my writing, it makes me feel awesome.**

**i love you all so much, you're great**

**xoxo-PanicWithCare recently changed to istillthinkwereinlove**


End file.
